Finding Rest

Last week I turned in my resignation for my job in children's ministry at my church. I had gone back and forth for a few months on the issue, prayed over it, consulted with Tod... and in the end found peace in my final decision. My difficulty with the decision lies in part with the my stubborn desire to stick with my plan. Mine..the one I envisioned, took steps toward achieving..created and believed in. I wanted to do what I set out to do, and circumstances...life.... God(?) got in the way and said..It can't be what you want it to be. And I argued, yes it can... And I heard back...No...It can't.. And I countered but it has to..And I heard back..No it doesn't. and I pleaded ..give me one more chance..and I heard...Stop wasting time.
My job was, on paper, a 13-15 hour a week job. My counseling ministry, in which I have always been beckoned to, even as an adolescent would only take at most..what 10 hours.. that left plenty of time for being a mom, a wife..a friend. I can do it all! I am woman hear me roar..
But somehow I got tired. I didn't have it in me to do anything at all very well. Sloppy homemaking...procrastination on my calling.. frustration and resentment for all my roles began to build and I felt depleted. and ineffective and yet busy. It's a horrible feeling to know you are busy being ineffective in this world. And the only place I had ever gone to find answers was no where to be found. That still and quite place. It can't be found, it must be created. And so I selfishly stole back moments and quited my spirit. And in the places where I stopped throwing pebbles and murking up the water. in the place where I sat still and the ripples themselves began to still, I could see more clearly what my calling truly is. And I knew not only what I had to give up but that what I had given up..the still and quite place had been essential to my very being.
The Bible tells us that the Sabbath is made for man and not man for the Sabbath. In that sense it seems as though the Sabbath were given to us as a gift for a number of reasons.. to increase our trust in God, to reflect our covenant with Him, to mirror His image..on the seventh day He rested..to give hope of a place of rest yet to come..and I think also to break from our work, to be quite and replenish our strength for the work ahead and to find a sense of joy in the work that has been done.
There is none of that when we barrel on full steam ahead without understanding the necessity of rest itself. And rest is not selfish but it is commanded by God who rested from His work on the seventh day. Rested I am sure to enjoy the satisfaction and completion of it.
So I found myself neglecting the Sabbath in my life. Not finding pockets of rest. And rest for me is where God speaks most clearly.. When the ripples in the water caused by all of my stirring, settle down, I find Him. I find me and I know it is the only way I can find the resources I need to be of any use to anybody else in this world. Being a mom and having the immense responsibility of preparing children for life and for eternity, for finding ways of pointing them toward God Himself, encouraging their gifts and helping them identify weak points, keeping them balanced, healthy and prayed over is a huge task..
Add to that the desire to gently probe into the deep hurts of wounded people to bring healing and hope through counseling and I think I got my work cut out for me. If finding that resting place where God counsels me in not a huge part of my life then I am only setting myself up for big time failure.

I had to let go of my church work..God's work.. and that is hard to do. Nothing feels more important than having God as your boss. But you know, He's the boss of everything. He is still my boss and will be my boss if I ever make it to a bed in a nursing home one day. For all work is His work and all work is to His glory and resting is a part of the plan for those who are willing to see the work that they do as being done to His glory.